As some of you with experience with me online know this time of year is traditionally a crappy time of the year for me. It was not always but like many it is an acquired disdain and several added reasons from a few years ago make it a time not to be looked forward to lest I want to be let down again.
I do tend to make at least a mild appearance of acceptance for the sake of harmony and reduced tension but I do find it to be harder all the time and to save wasting the time of those who want to save me from my true feelings.
I long ago identified the main reason for my growing disdain as the fact that I had been cornered into the role of being the giver so that others would feel wanted and needed while at the same time nor receiving the same consideration from them. Whoever said that Giving it the best part was full of crap! It does feel good to give but it also feels good to receive and after years of only seeing one end of the exchange I for one have had enough!
This year while I have things to be Thankful for I can openly admit that it matters less to me that I have the Blessings than it does that I weathered the storms of the worst year in this run to date. A year that has seen far more losses than positive forward momentum and I am guessing that it still has some punches to throw. I am not wishing for adversity but I am braced for it.
I have made the effort and gone through the motions, well except the motion of being one of the mindless drones fighting for cheap crap on Black Friday. Only semi did that once before it was even termed as Black Friday and I do not see that happening again. But as far as celebrating either of the reasons for the Season I would say that is dead and gone in this current timeline.
There has to be a change in direction. Yes, the old “New Plan” has become seemingly unattainable and Moot since it seems to be only me that is comfortable with that goal. I have recently pondered the situation and have accepted the gains and acknowledged the failures and properly assigned blame to myself and others for the short comings and failures. I am not saying that it is totally scrapped, I should not have to, I have declared the end of it before, recently was just the Post Mortem.
So before I start sounding like I am getting soft let me oncer again share my personal Christmas view;
Scrooge was a sissy! A weak old jerk who after years of not caring about anyone but himself was Blackmailed into Sharing the Wealth for the sake of, well, himself. Poor old coot was trying to save his own hide instead of facing the reality of Mortality. For what, a little longer to suffer? A little longer to be told he was the reason for others shortcomings? To be seen as a soft touch for everyone who did not earn while he was earning but had needs. To end up giving more than he could afford to people who come to see him as a Bank that they never plan to pay back and run down as a mean old jerk who they would let Die in the street..
He would have been better served selling it all off that night and throwing it all down a well and then taking the final trip. His struggling would end and the ungrateful leeches would be left to fend for themselves and quite possibly would discover the true meaning of earning and not expecting a Savior that they will never give a Rats Ass about or would be swept away. either way it would be better for him.
So once again I say, If the Ghost of Christmas Future wakes me in the middle of the Night and says “Give or Die” he had better have a good Supper because he will have to drag my Fat Ass off with him! Bah! Humbug!